*Dear Mother raising a child without the child's biological father*
I appreciate that you have a baby with a man who could have a separate life from yours. Please note the relationship he has with you is you are the mother of his child. His sole responsibility is to his child (ren) not you. You need to recognize that providing for a child is your responsibility just as it's the man's responsibility. A wise baby mama will give a man bills away from house like ( medical, school fees ) Bills that don't make him feel like he is supporting you because that is where baby mamas lose it.
If you need him to buy clothes for his child, don't ask for money allow him to take the child and they go shopping. After all this increases their bonding session. If it's the child's birthday let him pay the service providers directly say like a cake.
Let not a baby mama think he shall get back at baby daddy using the child. In the end the person that shall suffer is your child. And please have boundaries of your own right from the word go. Define what it is that you want from the baby daddy.Don't allow yourself to be his consolation price or his sexual satisfactory machine. If you respect yourself no man shall ever disrespect you. Above all pray that God enables you to be a good mother and still not forget your life didn't come to a halt.
*Dear lady married to a man with child(ren) outside your marriage*
I understand that you feel hurt because your husband's money gets used up outside the confines of your home. I understand & it's natural that you could feel insecure based on the fact that the mother to your husband's child is an ex lover.
However don't let your insecurities blind you. In the end that child is your husband's child and if you deny him the opportunity to be a father to that child you probably create pain in your husband's life. If he is a responsible man he shall find ways to sneak help & time with the child and that shall torment you.
A wise lady gets to know what/ how the husband wants to support the child without interference. She gets to even know when they are meeting with the child. Instead of worrying about the baby mama she casts her insecurities to God. It's only He who can lead your husband to make informed choices.
The child is totally innocent in all the adults misunderstanding and mistakes. Don't be the reason a child suffers. God watches from afar.
*Dear Man who is not living with the Child he sired*
Yes
you could have been "tricked" or perhaps have all manner of excuses
about how you ended up fathering a child & not marry the mother of
the child. We all are humans and make errors.However
please note that the child was conceived by God's approval. You
therefore have a God given responsibility to that child as his father so
long as you are alive.
Let
no one lie to you that you shall abscond your duty and live a balanced
and meaningful life. Don't think you shall neglect some Children and
give attention to some and the children you give attention to live a
perfect life. God is a God of justice and He shall find a way to balance
the equation for you if you can't balance it.
And
please your business is the child so if you are married , be mindful of
your wife. After all it's your mistakes that got you all mixed up. Let
her not suffer by extension.
You
need to also realise that just as you moved on, the baby mama has a
right to move on. She can be loved as you are being loved by another
woman and she's not interfering. So stop trying to taking over her love
life. You made a choice to not marry her so let her get married to the
man that approves her as his spouse.
And
please stop thinking now is the time to take advantage. Yes she is
vulnerable but respect her as you would want any man to respect any
woman you value in your life ( mum, daughter,sister) . She doesn't come
as a bonus price for your responsibility to your child. Don't bring
wickedness to those women through your actions.
*To the man who marries a woman who had children before they married or during marriage*
You truly are a hero among many man. I applaud you for taking it upon yourself to raise a marry a woman with children. Perhaps you even live under the same roof with the child(ren) only God can reward you. I totally get your insecurities because the man is your wife's ex-lover.
However please note that child has their biological father and whether they are deadbeat or not he is still the child's father. Its not for you to judge him neither to prevent him from seeing his child or probably bar the him from being there for the child how best he understands. Don't let your jealousy blind you. If you would do anything for your children why do you think another man wouldn't want an opportunity to do the same.
I have known men to respect each other and to guard their territory. A wise man ensures his territory is secure. If you love your wife right she shall never be wooed away from your side. As for the child, they shall respect you more knowing for being the man you are. Believe me children have a brain of their own and see all that is happening. So do it all and commit God in your walk because its not an easy walk.
*To the society*
This form of twist is very common..Let us not twist this further by casting negative thoughts and Information from the three persons mentioned above. We need to recognise that the minute we do this and the child ends up rejected or feels rejected, this child finds us in the society.
A child soon grows up into an adult and based on their wrong upbringing they become a problem to the society for one reason or the other. The more we think its right for any parent to be allowed to abscond their duty as a parent the more dis-functional a society we shall deal with. Every child has a right to their father and mother especially if they are alive.
We all have a role to play. May God give us wisdom to perform that role in the right manner.
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