My twin was at a point where anything that would put them back to their normal mode was welcome. The antidepressants were such a great relief and made them better. Slowly they started feeling life was looking up.It however came with side effects of adding weight , being drowsy and even dizzy spells that make them fall as they walked. My twin felt this wasn't the solution. It was a temporary relief for a situation that could be a permanent. Sadly the suicidal thoughts did recur and they came back with vengeance.
Once more my twin visited the psychiatrist who didn't seek to help my them understand what could have triggered the suicidal thoughts even after they had cleared the medicine. The Psychiatrist instead prescribed another dose of drugs.Based on the negative side effects my twin had gone through, it didn't make sense to ingest the drugs once more. They sort a different understanding and deeper one and it was revealed that their family had history of persons that had died from suicide. That gave them a better understanding. It was however scary to internalize that probably what they were fighting was beyond them. It was at this point that they decided if this was a generational inheritance it ends with them. My twin vowed to fight to the bitter end to put an end to it. There would be no history of suicide in their family, if my twin was the one to pass it down to the next generation they took it upon themselves to seek God's forgiveness.
Remember I mentioned my twin was of Catholic Faith, they decided to seek an understanding from the Priest. The priest sympathized with them and at the same time made my twin feel stupid for wanting to commit suicide because they had difficulty proceeding to the next level of academic qualifications. The Priest made it known to my twin that people are living and having functional lives without education. This crushed my twin further. It was at this point that they sort counseling from another religious organizations one advised that they go back to medication while another asked them to switch courses. The one that said they switch courses was opined that the course was too difficult for my twin and this sunk my twin lower.
It was a big blow for my twin. No one around them seemed to understand how to help them get out of the sickness. One final push with a professional counselor, my twin thought. This Counselor went on to make them see that problems of learning are common that perhaps they need to interact more with the lecturers and perhaps hold discussion groups. Unfortunately the counselor didn't seek to know what my twin had done to reduce their academic frustrations. The climax of it all was when the counselor went ahead and pointed out of cases they had handled that they considered bigger than what my twin was going through. It sunk my twin further down. All seemed like a dead end. Seeking help outside made no sense. This disease seemed not to be well understood by persons who my twin felt should have been the first to understand.
Look out for part 3 and last part as we seek to know the ending of my twin. Did the suicidal thoughts conquer them or they conquered them. I shall also share important lessons that my twin got to share. How best to understand a suicidal person and help them. All this shall be posted on this blog. Be on the look out.
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