A Child's Letter to Parents not Jointly Raising the Child

There is so much debate over irresponsible parents be it a man or a woman but never is there a debate of the child that the two adults bring forth in their moment of the act of love whether willingly or unwillingly. As a parent from a relationship/ situation that didn't lead into well coordinated parenting have you ever thought about my child's feelings? 

Here are the child's feelings in form of a letter. 

Dear mum and dad. Let me apologise for what I am about to say but someone needs to say it and who better placed than me your child? The first time I came to be a sperm and egg had met and with that began my journey towards landing on earth. Being in my mothers womb was so limiting and I wondered what it would be like to be in the next world where I would once in a while hear noises.  I wondered how long I would be in that world. Then after periods of wondering, I was soon out of my mother's womb and into a new freedom,  so I thought. 

I was introduced to all people but then I started noticing I was different from other children. See while my friends in school and at home and sometimes from the cartoons I watched had a father and mother, I only had the comfort from one growing up. To add salt to injury my peers would bring this to my attention and tease me because I only had one parent. When it got so bad I decided to tell them that my parent is dead. An explanation that hurt me to the core because I had never been shown the grave of my other parent. 

As I grew older I heard stories of why I was raised by one parent. The stories ran from my mother trapped my father and that is how I was conceived, I was not a planned child, I was a barrier to the parent progressing to the next stage of life, one of my parent wasn't good enough to make a spouse of the other and well others were one parent was utterly irresponsible in the eyes of the parent that was raising me. And so I ask what about me? How do I come into all these stories?

Has it ever occurred to any of you that my conception was an act of God and all these stories are none issues. Has it ever occurred to a parent that feels trapped that many are trapped but not all traps get the one its laid for? Has it ever occurred to you as a parent that the parent you deem irresponsible was chosen as my parent for a purpose? Has it ever occurred to the parent that feels like they are doing everything matters raising me alone for a purpose. That perhaps God keeps them healthy and able to go about their daily hassle to take care of me alone. That perhaps while this parent focuses on my financial needs I need the other for emotional needs and a sense of belonging?

I don't know the circumstances that led my father and mother to not be together, I however know its their action whether willingly or unwillingly that I was born. And if God made it possible for me to be born He meant you to be my parents. So please allow me the opportunity to know either of you. Let me make an informed decision about the parent you are to me. Don't allow me to grow up with questions that may never get answered or with feelings of rejection that only make my life as an adult miserable or with a lot of incompleteness. 

May God give you the wisdom to understand that I need not pay for any of your misunderstanding or whatever resulted to you not bringing me up together in one home. I continue to pray for you my parents to see the bigger role. I respect and love you both, don't make  me chose either of you because that would mean I am accepting one part of me and denouncing the other part of me hence making me a very unstable human being.

That is all for now. P.s Lots of Love

What Reports or News have you received lately?

In our everyday lives we are bound to receive reports and news. These reports or news are either positive or negative.  My question to us this day is what do you do when you receive your report or what did you do?

Often times I see when people receive good reports most get into celebration and even organise parties. Parties are good but are they enough? If I am going to celebrate something good I shall need to take a moment to thank all that helped me get there. Most importantly I shall need to show my appreciation to God because without His grace the celebration wouldn't be; those of us that believe in God. If one is a Christian they probable know the story of the 10 leapers. I choose to be the one leaper that went back to show my gratitude to God. How each of us does it; I choose to leave it to us to decide.

Let's now turn the coin to negative news and reports. Often negative news get us to be vulnerable. Its negative news that drives us to feelings of defeat, self pity and at times stress that results in diseases. Is this why we receive bad news? If you follow my blog I have previously talked of us being equal to our individual self & shall never be equal to another person.  When one receives bad news it's time for them to enter into self reflection. If you believe in God it's time for you to bring faith into action. It's time to earnestly call upon God not to waste time feeling sorry for yourself. If you are a Christian you know the story of what it took for the persons in the Bible to have their situations turned around. If you do not let the life of King David inspire you. Jesus too had a moment of receiving negative news; we all know what He did.  Some prayers may not go exactly as we want but believe me when we call upon God, He gives us the outcome that is best suited for us that He may fulfill His purpose for creating us. God knows what is good for us at different times and stages in our lives. 

In conclusion whether positive or negative news always remember to speak to God about it. He needs us to acknowledge Him as the overall creator. He is a jealous God, let us ensure we talk to Him about it before we tell our friends or relatives; Remember that negative news , He can turn it to positive. That positive news could have devastating outcomes when we don't recognise He controls everything in our lives. And through our actions we are able to predict the things that shall befall us.

Why are Others Doing Better or Worse?

Have you been keen to notice those around us have different things going on for them? Have you been keen to notice it's not just with people but also with countries , animals in short the entire creation.? Why do you suppose this is so? Why is it that while one part of the world is experiencing pain another is happy? Better put why do you suppose we experience day and night at different times and well have different time zones?

In one of my interactions with my fellow Christians, someone said God desires to be forever praised. That is why as He created the world He ensured we are at different time zones. This is just so that while others are sleeping, others are waking up to praise Him. As Christians do we ensure we praise Him more often? 🤔

Let's now look at the world events away from time. When one part of the world is celebrating💃🏽 another is mourning.😢 While one part of the world is advanced, another part of the world is lagging behind. While one part of the world experienced crisis years ago, another is experiencing crisis in the present. Ever heard of cosmic balance? Well I feel this is the best way to refer to it. It may not be our actions that bring about the opposite reaction on others but that understanding that no part of the world is like the other.

Let's bring it further to human beings. Ever noticed others are ahead of us in life 🏃🏽‍♀🚶🏽‍♀; even people who we could have been born on the same day? Well and of course while others are older, others are younger?

My understanding & experience since I became a mother is I need to raise my daughter to be an all rounded human being. That way she shall grow up to be an asset to the world. I also noticed that she copy's what I do and even people around her. That is how she knows what to do and what is expected of her.

The insight of parent and child is what I need us all to see. When we experience something before others, it's not for us to question why me or feel superior to them. No please, one becomes a parent of that which they experience before others. It's for us to use that experience to grow the child who comes after us in experiencing the same. Let me explain; if one gets employed before their peers,it's best to use the experience to advice those yet to be employed how to go about it.

As for a person who is yet to experience something, it's for them remember they are a child. Theirs is to watch and learn. It's no need being envious of their parents in a matter or perhaps wishing they were their parents because it's time for them to be a child. Yes you are yet to get married or have children, how about taking time to learn what being a parent or a spouse entails as a way of preparing yourself.

Thank you for journeying with me. I hope this helped us to appreciate the stage we are at. I also hope it stop us from being envious of others or feeling sorry for ourselves. Let's not bring misery because we are rating ourselves in  comparison to others.

*Remember the best competitor one has and the greatest victory one shall ever win is against oneself.*

Better Liberating Perspective

When I completed campus, my first job was as a financial advisor. My work was to help and guide people to plan for their finances especially matters risks covered by insurance.  As part of my way of delivery I sought to know if one had extra income by helping them do a budget and thereafter advise them of a product that best suited them. For clients with children I strongly advised them to take up an education policy. See the idea behind insurance is to cover an individual against unexpected occurrences that an individual has no control of.  The most common occurrences especially in matters life were death, disability , accidents and critical illness. 

The products that insurance company design are such that in-case of any of the eventualities the insurance would offer a compensation to the next of kin. Time and time again I have heard relatives of a deceased person quarrel and fight. Most fights I have heard relate to: where to bury the deceased or how to divide the wealth the deceased has left.Surprisingly I am yet to hear of fights over who to take over debts that the deceased had left . So why is it that problems arise after one dies?

In my analysis and based on my experience as a financial advisor people have been brought up to fear death and see it as a bad thing especially in the African culture. I would notice a client's face turn when I mentioned death. Its actually hash tone information as one tells their relatives the place they would like to be buried or cremated upon their demise. For the mourning to fight over wealth its likely because we are raised to believe that writing a will is a fast class ticket to your death bed. How true is this? Well follow me as I help us get a whole new perspective about death and how exactly we need to view it. 

Any person who believes in God believes that God created us and gave us ability to control our happiness. God didn't ,however, give us the ability to control or even know when pain and sadness would befall us. Its no wonder we do not know when we shall die, become sick  , get an accident of become disabled. My thoughts on why He did that is because He created us to find happiness and giving us the insight on when the occurrences mentioned previously would happen would result us to panic and we would not be able to enjoy life. The question I seek to answer after this revelation is; why did God bring death to mankind if He wanted man to enjoy the world He created?

Allow me to refer us all to the Bible and instances in which death occurred. There are many instances but for now I shall focus on a few. Perhaps its upon us all especially those of us who are Christians to take time to look for more instances of death in the Bible. 

1. Death during Noah's time. Why did this occur? It occurred because people were doubtful of God's word. Those that didn't die were those that chose to obey and entered Noah's ark. 

2. Death of all first born sons of Egyptians. It was after these deaths that the Israelite descendants were freed from slavery. 

3. Death of King Saul. It was so that God may fulfill His promise to David of anointing him King.  

4. Death of Uriah. It occurred to  bring King David back to repentance as he had forgotten his duty of going into battle and had instead focused on things that he was not called by God to deliver on. 

5. Death of David's son who was conceived by Bethsheba. It was so that King David learns that God is just and for parents to know that their lives can mean death or destruction over their children.

6. Death of King David. At the time of his death he was too weak and even his body warming up was a problem and people around him needed to give him much attention. His death came to be to bring rest to him and those around them.  It was also the only way that he was able to build his desire to build God's temple through his son Solomon. 

7. Death of Lazarus and Jairus' daughter . This had to happen that people may see the Glory of God and see His true power and victory over death. 

8. Death of Son of God , Jesus Christ. This is the most significant deaths of them all. This is because through His death as Christians we believe we are forever washed of our sins. 

There we have it people. Death isn't such an evil thing after all. It can occur to bring:

1. Liberation

2. Continuity

3.Fulfilling of God's purpose

4. Lessons to appreciate life

5. Bring restoration

6. Bring peace 

7. Bring progression 

8. End pain and misery. 

I do hope we are able to see death from a whole different perspective all together. Well and perhaps not shy away from talking about death, giving information that shall be revealed upon one's demise and even writing wills.  

Most importantly I hope we can all chose to focus on things that bring us happiness rather than  things that bring everything that is sad and pain.

Are we Destroying our Motherland - Kenya?

I had a dream. This dream made me wake up so exhausted and with a heavy heart. Apparently I was at a function can’t remember the details but I remember the incidence that woke me up. Some Youths started taking photos taking a foreign brand of alcohol. As they did this the foreigners from whose country the alcohol belonged were clapping and smiling. Actually the young youths were doing a live video.

It was not the taking of the video or foreign brand  that ticked me off to a point was taking the microphone to address the attendees of the meeting, it was the comment the youths made when I spoke to them. I have never been a person to shy away from speaking what I feel is right and against what I feel isn't right. I asked them if they have ever done a video with a Kenyan brand of alcohol and they told me to shut up. Kenyan brands are whack ! 😡😡😡Now that deeply sliced my heart and well yours faithfully went to the podium to address every person attending the meeting. 💁💁💁 

Unfortunately again, one youth who was the DJ of the meeting decided he was not going to tone down the music. 🙉🙉🙉 I forced to speak competing against the music which exhausted me because I was shouting too much. After I was done I went to talk to the Young DJ and these were my words which I need to share with us all. 

Next time a youth tells you they are unemployed or looking for a job, turn to them and tell them I closed doors for you to get employed. Yes that is what it means my fellow citizens. We need to embrace Kenyan brands more than foreign brands. It is quite unfortunate that as a country we import even what we produce of can produce. Probably the reason why we would rather take photos taking a foreign brand of item than one of our own. The sooner we start consuming more Kenyan than less foreign the sooner we shall create more jobs in our country. The sooner we shall start visiting our own Parks, Museums and Hotels the more jobs we shall create. We need to realise that a country that does not have its citizens market for the goods and services it produces is bound to do poorly in terms of job creation. 

I hope we are all challenged enough to find the need to buy a Kenyan product or service. Go watch a Kenyan movie or visit theatres when there is a play going on. Well yes the Kenyan products & service have a lot of improvements to be done . But it shall not be done when we don’t create the market to enable producers improve their products. 

Proudly Kenyan for Kenya.

Childhood Rejection

This article is long overdue. I had it's revelation last week but for some reason I seem not to find the right time for it. All the same here goes another article so close to my heart for us all to ponder about.

When a lady is told she is 🤰 her reaction towards the pregnancy really matters. If she's disappointed about it or pretends to be happy and deep down she sad, there begins the journey of rejection. When a man finds out that he impregnated a lady and decides to flee , there begins the journey of rejection.  Once the baby is born the reactions towards that baby especially negative could begin or continue the journey of rejection. When the child joins the society and is rejected by comments such as dirty child, rough , rude there continues or starts the journey of childhood Rejection.  The people around a child when he or she is growing up can bring feelings of rejection. There are children that experience childhood rejection because of their skin colour, person they are named after and even school performance.

It's not strange to hear a relatives treating children born of their relative differently because they are named the side of their in-laws. Or a child being made to feel rejected because while all children are light skinned, he or she is dark skinned. These are the children that once old enough and making their own money would go for bleaching products.

It's sad that as a society we don't realize that our actions towards any child that we come across whether we gave birth to it or not may bring upon rejection. The effects of child hood rejection is we create troublesome persons in the society as they do all they can to fit in and be accepted. We are responsible for persons that take up destructive careers while grown up like thieves, murderers and even abusive partners.

Parents needs to know their attitude towards a pregnancy to child birth and raising a child is responsible for the way the child grows up. As a parent if you see a rebellious child ,start analysing yourself. Ask yourself have you ever rejected the child? The universe has a way of bringing all we conceptualise in the mind to reality. So what is it we need to do?

As a parent it's important to pray against the spirit of rejection against your children. As a society we need to seek forgiveness for rejecting any child we have come across. Fail to do this and the next person to mug you or your loved ones could be that child you neglected. The next child to commit suicide or person to commit suicide could be that child you rejected. Childhood rejection has and will continue to have devastating effects if we don't take the initiative to stop it.

If as an individual you are struggling with certain things it's time to deeply look into your childhood. Could be you faced some form of rejection as a child and it's eating into the person you are today. If you can't find it pray to cancel the spirit of rejection to free yourself from the jail that could be keeping you from progressing or being a better person.

Have a fulfilling day free of any form of rejection.

Moments of Turmoil

Have you ever struggled or experienced a period of so much pain? Where things are just going wrong for you? Where those around you seem to all be working around you? Or perhaps you are there right now you are having so many things falling apart and you feel like it's the end? My friend I have a message for us all.

Nothing we go through in life is a surprise to God . In fact life is full of moments of rest and moments of upheaval. During moments of rest things go smoothly and pleasantly. When one is at rest, they should enjoy it and get into prayer because they understand the next season is the upheaval season. When one is in the upheaval season it's not the time to ask why me Lord. It's the time to seriously seek God and ask Him to quicken your understanding of that which God needs you to learn. Only then shall peace reign in your heart once more. See praying for the pain to end isn't enough. It's praying for a deeper understanding of what one is going through. I am opined that if I pray for the pain to end and the lesson I was to get doesn't come through, I shall experience the pain once more.  My understanding is I shall experience the pain till I get the lesson.

That boss that is a pain, that child that is trouble, that project that is taking you so long to complete, that spouse who is being difficult, what is the lesson I need to learn, that needs to be the question. Not why can't this thing change or turn around? It's not turning around because one doesn't want to take time to get the lesson.

Allow me to take you back to the scriptures. David had his share of seasons of rest and upheaval. Read the book of Samuel you shall see it all. God gave Solomon a period of rest so that he build the temple. Sometimes as parents we shall experience upheaval so that our children experience rest. Some of us are having rest because our parents experienced the upheaval on our behalf.

I pray this has given us all a deeper understanding of things.

May the peace of God reign over us all.

Rivalry; Is it really Necessary?

Today I find the need to talk about this vice that continues to be a threat from our homes to the area outside our homes to the entire world. The vice is so huge that it continues to cause so much pain and destruction which I totally consider unnecessary. 

From the Google dictionary Rivalry is defined as competition for the same objective or for superiority in the same field. Rivalry can lead to healthy and unhealthy outcomes and it can be necessary and unnecessary. It’s safe to say that necessary rivalry leads to healthy outcomes. If we were to use game theory to calculate the risk it would be based on the grading we put on the type of rivalry and on the health outcome it brings on board. If you are into risk analysis I am talking of using likelihood tests. Anyway too much jargon let me try to simplify based on the understanding I need to share with us all today

Do you know as a parent one has a lot of power in determining the kind of rivalry a child chooses to pursue? We are all born pure it is the environment and everyday experience that renders us impure and stained. When a baby is born they adapt to crying as a way of communicating that which they need. Going forward they learn to speak and ask for what they need or will actually do both. And if they are in the terrific two they will put some actions to it like throwing themselves on the floor or slapping you to get you to give them that which they want, famously known as tantrums. 

Then from there they enroll into school and this is where the parents assess them based on their performance. Its not out of the norm for parents ask their children to aim to be position one. Is the position what matters in the end for real? This focus and upbringing is where the unhealthy rivalry foundation is laid. Allow me to lead you further into thoughts...

When a parent teaches their child the only time they are victorious is when they become first among several number of persons that is where a child loses focus. It’s no wonder that we have so many issues as a society as persons compete for senior management positions by discrediting their colleagues or worse still having children committing suicide because no matter the efforts they are putting in school they still are ranked last. So what then is the solution for this rivalry that leads to unhealthy outcomes?

How about teaching our children to outdo themselves. After all the only person with the ability that is a mirror of them is themselves. The minute we try to ask a fish to run while it was created to swim we go wrong. When a child is taught to outdo themselves it will not matter what the persons around them are doing. Their main focus will be self-improvement and that is more fulfilling. While we want to teach our children to be the best among students in their class, it can be limiting. The only way we are going to get the best out of any person here on earth is if we focused on outdoing our individual self.  A child can be number one in that class but if moved to another is graded last which can be really devastating particularly where a child is taught they are the crowned winner.

Don't relocate to a certain neighborhood because so and so has moved there. Move because its time you upgrade to another location. Don't buy a certain outfit because your friend has bought it and you think you would look better, buy it because you have the need to wear a dress or because it was in your plan to buy.  Don't do a church wedding worth millions because so and so did worth hundreds of thousands, do it because it is all within what you can afford. I am not saying don't look at what your neighbor is doing. No! 

It is time to look and use the information to better oneself from one position to another.  Don't look at your brother and start planning on how to discredit them so that you take up what they have. That will be a waste of time. One may successfully acquire a position by discrediting another but they would not last. Reason being they are probably built for something else. Let us realize that God created us equal and we are all to support each other here on earth. There is what each of us was created for and the only way we shall get to discover it is by focusing on improving the past self. Not competing against another.  A person's blessing shall always be their blessing . Let none of us think its in our capacity to block another persons blessing.

Well those are my thoughts for today.  

It all starts and ends at Family level

This day I feel the need to talk about something I consider sacred. My understanding of family is so deep that I have come to recognize the family unit as the core institution that drives a country. The reason why I say this is because its through a family that babies are made. Whether the man or the woman stays together as a family or not the fact of the matter is the environment through which a child is brought up has a great influence on the person they become or the choices they make. For the sake of sharing my thoughts on the family today my focus shall be on babies born and raised by parents or a parent with brothers and sisters.

Time and time again I have read and heard of family feuds between members of the same family. And the majority of the cases that I have come across have been wealth related. This comes where some click of siblings gang up in a manner to disinherit the others or parents allocate share of property among their children unfairly or where the children gang up to steal the wealth of their parents. The results are often deadly and some result to persons of the same family being lifetime sworn enemies. So the question then that comes to my mind is who then is to blame and how do we stop the vice of wealth from eating into families??

The answer is it all starts with me and ends with me. What I am saying to us all is that just like I previously mentioned that the environment we raise our children in determines the persons the children become in later years. See children learn a lot from observing the way the people around them behave . See my daughter has seen her father and I kneel and pray and with that she has become accustomed to joining us when we are praying and yes she kneels. There will be times when we allow her to say the prayers and after she says amen we all retire to bed because we know she said prayers for us all.

Let me break it down further. I have a brother and this is my daughter's uncle. If for example I am threatened by the presence of my brother I can unknowingly spread the same towards him to my daughter. Say for example my brother is favored by my mother in many ways and I keep expressing my frustrations about this in the presence of my daughter. What would I be saying to my daughter?

1. Your brother can be your enemy over wealth 🙄

2. My uncle's children are my enemies after all their father and my mum are rivals

See with the above scenario as parents it will thereafter be hard for me to teach my child how to be there for her siblings based on what I teach her indirectly. What I am saying to us all is if family feuds are ever going to end they must begin by the parents being more mindful of how they treat their relatives. If as a parent you don't want your own children to harm each other then lead by example. Don't be hypocritical by treating your sibling ill and expect your children shall be angels to treat each other humanely.

The change you need and want shall starts with you and me. Please note the above example of a family unit can be rolled out to other relationships e.g . Employer and employee ; leader and their subjects e.t.c. Let us all be challenged to be better people to improve the next generation of people not to make things worse for them.

That is all for now. 

The Lies in We Tell Ourselves

This might come out silly but hey! I still need to share the details with y'all because its likely that we have found ourselves in the same kind of thinking but different incidences.
The free newspaper has been a blessing to many. Let's just say if you still watch and read the daily newspapers you will be happy knowing you can catch up with the Kenyan media highlights; for free on a newspaper. Well if you need to wrap something or are moving, the free newspaper is a perfect source to protect the breakables 🤫🤫. I won't disclose my reasons for the free newspaper all I need us to focus on is I appreciate the free newspaper given to motorist each morning. So much that I kind of got personal. 🤣🤣

There is this guy who used to give the free newspaper just passed my normal route on Thika road. For some reason the timings just never seemed to match with his. I would get to him and vuala! he gives the last copy to the motorist driving ahead of me. Or I would find him picking a fresh bunch to issue. One particular day he gave the motorist driving besides me and skipped me , 😪😪that hurt I tell you. So much that I told myself there is not so much positive information to read and watch on Kenyan media platforms anyway so I am good with what I choose to read when I get to the office. I made a decision to forget the free newspaper until my fortunes changed. 👏👏👏

Which fortunes you ask? Well they changed the newspaper guy and there was a new guy on the road. "Good riddance", I told myself. "Now I will be getting the newspaper for whatever it is I need it for," little did I know. 😇😇 So the whole of this week the story has repeated itself. I don't get the newspaper , its just not coinciding for me. And this got me thinking. 

I thought of the times I will ''carry" somebody over things I feel they have done to hurt me and they don't even know I am "carrying" them. I thought of the times I have let my mind mislead me into encouraging negative thinking and its ruined my day. I thought of the times I have compared myself to others and felt they are better or I am better. And there the truth dawned on me. The times we "arrive" are different for us all and the blessings awaiting us at the time of our arrival differ. Just because I don't get the blessing another gets when we arrive at the same destination doesn't mean any of us is less or more. We just have different blessings at the same destination. I also learned that I need to watch the level at which I allow my mind to lead me to self misery. 

Lets fill our minds with the right Mind set.