Road-map Journey in Defeating Depression

After sharing the encounter I had with depression, there were many that sort to know how I was able to conquer the nagging mosquito called depression. I call it a mosquito because like the mosquitoes that invade my house in the night depression invaded my life and almost paralyzed my everyday living. Each time I thought I finally had killed the noisy mosquito another that was in hiding awakened and it was a long enduring fight.

See the truth is depression can't be ended overnight; it will take major efforts and commitment to finally conquer the illness. I have so much to write and share but for today I will give you core things one must do to recover;

1. Forgiveness

When one is depressed they have overwhelming thoughts of regrets of how things could have been done different. These thoughts of regret need to be countered. It will need one to take steps back right from childhood of the regrets and guilt they have. Do something symbolic:

Write all regrets down and then one by one write I forgive myself for...,I forgive so and so for..., I forgive God for,...

Write all guilty feelings you have and seek forgiveness from God, so and so. If you can't access person's you wronged (they are deceased), write them all down and drop them in church. God is the overall forgiver

2. Accept and Seek Help

Where it is major depression, antidepressants are recommended but need to be prescribed by a shrink. They however should be used hand in hand with other relaxing activities like exercises and meditation.

For minor depression seek professional counselling services. There are free counselors and there are those that charge.

A depressed person shouldn't be allowed to be alone. They could therefore move to a place with a person who understands what they are going through.

3. Eat Right

There are foods that help reduce stress levels. Foods like a ripe banana in the morning and a glass of warm milk before bed time work very well. There are also foods that are rich in serotonin (chemical in the brain responsible for happy thoughts) Food supplements of omega 3 are very helpful.

Eat well balanced foods and avoid the fatty foods. Work with foods that are easy to digest. At all cost avoid intake of alcohol and drugs as they accelerate the situation.

4. Monitor your thoughts

Each hour, take 5 minutes to look back at what you have been thinking the past hr. Any bad thought look for a counter thought that is good. For example, silly me I am late, well good thing I arrived safely...

5. Write all good that happened to you

If you eat three meals in a day, take time to write all down on a piece of paper all the good things that have happened since you last ate. If you don't eat as often, each time you visit the toilet write down all the good that happened to you since your last visit to the toilet. At the end of the day before sleeping, read the overall list of daily occurrence. Kindly note good doesn't have to be winning the rotary, even not falling down, laughing, talking to someone you have not spoken to in a while is a good thing.

6. Write down all the good things you love about yourself

For a depressed person it’s hard for them to find any good in themselves. You can therefore ask someone who knows you well to write the things they admire about you. Have this list close to your bed and every morning after waking up read the list. Even you feel low during the day, read the list. You can save them on emails to read anywhere if you have a smart phone.

7. Take time to pray

God is able to do it all. Tell Him what you need Him to do for Him. Reflect on His messages of hope daily. You can sign up with pastors like Joel Osteen, Rick Warren, and Paula White who have devotional messages sent on email daily.

There is greatness in us all. Always remember that.

Depression

Every time I hear someone committed suicide I feel sad. I think how close to suicide I was. How I didn't know what was happening to me. My mind was going crazy. I had too many uncontrolled thoughts. I couldn't sleep. Waking up was a problem I no longer cared. I couldn't see anything good in me. But there was that deep voice that told me fight to be better.

I didn't know what to tell my mother and my close family. It was so shameful I felt a loser for having such thoughts. In the end I took myself to see a shrink. It was a battle. A battle that I only won because I had friends and family who stood by me. God even sent me a stranger(my angel) to walk with me.

It's unfortunate that depression has so much stigma and  many African setting blame it on witchcraft. Friends depression can get to anyone. Even the strongest that seems to have their life in order.

Depression comes from long term pent up emotions or pain. Depression comes from sudden change of life or loss of a loved one. Friends depression can come from stress. while others suffer from high blood pressure , heart attacks , gastric problems , severe headaches because of stress, others suffer from depression.

A depressed person needs love and understanding. Not the stigma I see around.Don't try to tell or force a depressed person to be happy, that is one of the most difficult task. Help them get their self esteem back, it all begins with self actual cleaning. Take them for a massage,help them tidy up their desk and house. Just small steps and they become better.

When God cured me awhile back , I made a vow to give a testimony about where He lifted me from. Unfortunately there are those who have distanced themselves from me soon after. And there are those that have used my testimony to fight to recover or help another recover. My focus remains on the latter. He did it for me He can do it for another.

The sooner people learn to openly talk about depression the more lives will be saved.

He makes me Happy

Unlike others he would never run away when I drew closer to him.  He allows me to touch him and enjoys my touch. Even after a long day he will still walk towards me. In the morning when I get to work he comes to meet me,guess he can smell me and knows I mean no harm. He will roll over and allow me to play with him. For a long time now I never gave him anything and well he and I just connected. The other day I felt its time we take it to another level though he didn't know ,I knew it's time. Unfortunately I forgot to buy him the packet of milk to take our relationship to another level. I felt guilty but he has continued to be with me and draw towards me each time. Today however I have tonnes of meat to take to him. Can't wait to see him happy as he indulges. He didn't force me I just felt I need to return the happiness. That is the cat at work and I story and today our relationship has given me a lesson to share with you all.

See friends friendship built on nothing but trust is awesome and rare. When one decides to take it to another level it's not because they expect anything it's because of the value they place on the friendship. When  it gets to going out of one's way it comes natural. If you get to a level you no longer want to go out of your way to make someone happy the friendship has been damaged. What happens after this is upto you.

Also remember that though there will be many that run away from you there is always that one person that takes the chance to trust you. Finding that person is the task.

Awww it's such a cute cat. So adorable. Yap Waleopard identifies with the cat family :-P

Good day friends and a blessed day ahead.

Paper mache!!

Back in primary i remember how we used to do art work.One most intriguing art was the paper mache (not sure abt sp ) well the paper would be soaked in water and we were to mould something out of it.

Looking at the paper mache one could not imagine that anything good would come out of it. We however made great moulds and even colored them to bring out the images we needed. Some so good that we would frame and hang in class.

That is how we are at times; soaked in water like the paper mache people think nothing good will come out of us.When we are at our lowest there will be those running because to them we are done.But see God knows that which He wants to make out of us. Soon we will be in lovely colors framed on the wall. A great piece of work to decorate the house.

Your moulder is about to make great art work hold on my dear friends.

Good morning have a good day. May The God of restoration and peace restore that which we need for His glory.Amen.

MONEY MATTERS IN MARRIAGE

"Money is more important than sex in making or breaking relationships. People can accommodate different sexual preferences more easily than differences over handling money."

What are the problem areas?

1. Handling the money

It can cause resentment if one partner feels left with all the responsibility of sorting out the money issues. They feel as if they have all the work and all the worry.

2. Attitudes to money

If you are a miser living with a spendthrift nightmares can result. Resentment can build up. If you are a worrier living with someone with a devil may care attitude the mismatch may create friction.

3.Different priorities

Husbands and wives may have different goals and different fears. One may be paranoid about getting into debt the other may have no problem with loans and credit cards. He might want a flash car, she might want some money in the bank or he might want to retire early but she wants to spend it on the latest fashion or new carpets. He may think the new home cinema is a new asset to the home, she may see it as a boy's toy. One of you may be more interested in having fun, the other in settling down, nesting and starting a family. If the differences are fundamental this can create conflict.

4. Underlying problems

Money arguments may be merely a symptom of a larger underlying problem. Susan Quilliam, in her book Stop Arguing, Start Talking, says that arguments aren't always what they appear to be on the surface - there are many levels of disagreement. If your partner spends without your agreement, you feel robbed of power, and afraid of what else might happen that you disagree with. Or it might bring back powerful feelings from your childhood that you have not resolved - if money was always tight maybe you are still uneasy about spending, even if cash is available. So the argument may not always be about what it seems.

How to avoid the problems that can sabotage a relationship?

1. Talk Directly

Some people may find it embarrassing but it is essential to talk directly about money and your attitudes to money to make sure you are on the same wavelength early on in relationships. You shouldn't assume that you understand how someone feels from what you can see about their behaviour - although it can flag up some warning signs if moths fly out the wallet when it is opened! If you can talk about it you may be able to forge compromises - before it is too late.

2.Discuss your goals

Make sure you both know what your short- medium- and long term goals are. Financially this can be anything from paying off your credit card bills, to saving up for a deposit for a house, to the ability of one person not to work while children are small. If you don't want the same things are you in the right relationship?

3. Discuss your Debt attitudes

Do you both feel the same way about debt? Are you happy paying for the new sofa on a credit card or would you rather save up. Avoid conflicts by understanding one another's attitudes to debt, to spending and to the future.

4.Set some rough limits

Decide how much one of you can spend without consulting the other. Work out how much you are happy to spend on a typical night out.

5.Work out a budget

Sit down and make a list of all expenses - and don't forget to include an allowance for irregular items such as the dentist and car maintenance as well as the obvious bills. Compare this with your income and it should give you a good idea of how much "disposable income" you have - if any and then you can plan what to do with this. If you have no disposable income then you need to have a serious chat about where and how to cut back.

6.Share budgeting responsibilities

You should both know how much you pay for rent/mortgage, council tax, utility bills, car and house insurance, and so on. You should both have an understanding of your total debts and/or savings and investments. Neither partner should feel that they have the entire worry or responsibility.

7.Joint and separate accounts

 For couples where both are working and one partner resents the free spending of the other one solution is to have both joint and separate accounts. You work out what the household expenditures are - mortgage, bills, housekeeping and so on - agreeing on what constitutes a joint expenditure in areas where there may be issues - for example one couple don't buy booze out of the joint account as one of them drinks far more than the other. Then agree to pay a certain amount of your salary into the joint account each month which will cover all the bills. You will need to discuss how much each will pay - some couples may want to pay 50:50 despite the fact that one partner earns more than the other - while others may agree that the person earning the most should pay proportionately more. What each person then has left is his or her own to spend. Alternatively, you could both pay everything into the joint account and then pay yourselves a monthly allowance and neither partner is allowed to criticise what that allowance is spent on.

8. Prioritise your expenses

Don't book an expensive holiday when you are paying off debts. Work out what is more important - a new car or a new bedroom suite, or to put some money by for a rainy day and then stick to the plan. And don't forget most financial advisers suggest that you have three to six months' salary put by to cope with unexpected events so perhaps this should be your first goal.

9. Plan for Treats

Don't forget the occasional treat Unless you are really hard up you should give yourselves the odd treat. Most people work really hard and if it is all scrimping and saving for some future gratification it can be very dismal.

Finally

If you need more convincing about the role that money plays in relationships you only need look at research done by Warwick University which found that men who lose their jobs can say goodbye to their wives. After interviewing 6,000 couples Professor Andrew Oswald found that "one of the strongest statistical findings is that the higher the man's income, the greater the chance of the couple staying together.

"Men among the top 20% of earners are 46% less likely to get divorced than those in the bottom 20%. But the sudden changes for the worse can have an enormous effect on a marriage. "Their partnership is more likely to end in the year afterwards. Unexpectedly harsh economic times can wreak havoc with the chances of staying together.

Kindly Note:

* It is not low income that does most of the damage. It is dashed expectations," said Professor Andrew Oswald.

*This isn't my original work.

Self- Inflicted Pain

Weekends especially Sundays are the day I prefer to do my laundry -after mass. I think of it as a way of bonding with my house and of course do some exercises  . I happen to appreciate having long nails and do what I can to ensure I grow and maintain them. Long nails and laundry however don't go hand in hand. During washing the nails will either break or leave scratches on my hands. The latter is what happened this weekend. I am therefore healing a self-inflicted wound that gave me a lesson to share with us all today.

See friends often times we do things that we so know well will cause us harm. I don't know whether it’s because we appreciate having pain or it’s just that we have never known true painless life. We know what we need to do to avoid harm/pain coming our way but we choose to do it anyway. Say unprotected sex, we know we can contract HIV or have an unwanted pregnancy but continue to indulge in it. We know unplanned spending will lead us to being broke before the month ends and we still do it anyway.  We know nails will scratch us when doing laundry and I still choose to keep them anyway.

Well the message is clear to us. If we chose to go into harm’s way let us be ready to deal with the consequences of our choices without troubling those around us.  As some would say you can't  have….cake something (I have forgotten, someone help me out)

Twins on the Way Yipee!!

The joys of motherhood are an explainable. Children are a perfect gift from God, is what I have grown up knowing. To some extent when childbirth is delayed especially in women the African elder generation starts murmuring behind your back. The other day I attended a baby shower and the joys of my friend was written all over her face. We went on to tell her she is carrying an angel inside her one that will bring lots of joy into her life. Not far away I also learned another pal is carrying twins and boy oh boy I am super excited for her... Hmm may be because I have always wanted twins myself.  :)

This morning the song Nerea by sauti sol played on and I listened to it word by word. The young men visual image of the child is one that grows up to be a great personality. Nowhere did I hear them sing Huenda akawa White widow ama Osama. Truth be told when we envision bringing up a child we imagine it to become people of positive influence. So what goes wrong after the child is born?

See the reality of it is that we are born pure and without blemish. However with time we adopt varied bad behavior from the people around us. The innocence of a child is proved when a child cry’s for its mother after she has given it a thorough beating. So why is it that we forget that deep inside that rude person was once an innocent pure being? Their sole undoing was adapting to the cruel world around it. Why does a person take the life of another being? What happened to protecting that child deep inside whom we all had positive thoughts over?

Why does tribe, religion, race have to be the thing that separates us. After all we are all born through the same process and are housed in the same environment for 9 months. Why does one have to feel superior to another??

Today I just have too many endless questions. It’s unfortunate that as a country we continue to lose lives to fellow human beings. All for what really?

Hot Water into a Shallow Basin

When I moved into my current house, it came with its fair share of adjustments. Some luxuries I used to enjoy in the old house, hot shower, weren't available. Yap for the last hmmm , four years I have been bathing from the basin; the shower only produces cold water. Oh come on don't give me that look there's no extra socket to fix my own hot shower appliances. Honestly speaking thou I am tired of having to pre-boil water to shower, more so coz it means I have to wake up earlier than usual.

Sometimes there's no water flowing in the bathroom so I cool my bath water with stored water. When there's water I fetch from the tap and pour in the cold water  before the hot water. Sometimes back I would cool it directly from the tap but discovered I ended up having less water to shower,story for another day. Back to the basin , yesterday I decided to pour the hot water directly into an empty basin. Let's just say I was saved by my towel. The hot water splashed and it almost caught my skin. I had to abandon the whole new style and revert to my old style. And with that came a lesson I need to share.

See friends we all find ourselves in hot situations. These situations require us to have wisdom to prevent us from getting burnt. Let me break it down. In a relationship, when two people are at logger heads, when they both pour out the heat without having a coolant they are bound to get burned. Fights are not solved without having one person ready to act as a coolant. At work we are not going to go far if we all want to feel superior. Pouring the cold water acts as a shield from the sprinkles of hot water. In the end when the cold water mixes with the hot water the temperature becomes right for me to enjoy my bath. Same case applies in our real life, when one person swallows their pride, there's is bound to be a smoother way forward. It is because of lacking a coolant that the growing running battles are happening every Monday in our country. Let us be wise. Being a coolant isn't foolish, it actually helps prevent unpleasant situations.

Think about it my friends. Hope it made sense.

Porridge for Breakfast

Monotony has always been boring for me and therefore once in a while I go out of my norm to have something different. It occurred to me that since I moved out of mum's house, I had never made porridge in my house. I decided to try out something new for a change and so bought porridge flour. I had actually ventured into this project early in the year but ended up donating the flour, but determined I bought another packet in the next shopping. Oh well and last Sunday the aroma of porridge was finally in my house. ;)

I must say it had been ages since I made porridge and shockingly I had forgotten. I almost called a friend to ask them how to cook it but decided to mix it up on my own from my memmory. Only when it was half way done did I remember that they normally have instructions on the packet. The porridge tasted really good once it was ready but I had to add lots of water because it was too thick. I had gotten the cups to flour ratio wrong. But one thing for sure the next porridge I am cooking in my house I will be more knowledgeable. And this brings me to the lesson for today.

See friends, life is about not being afraid to fail and taking chances to learn something new. The reason majority of us keep stagnating in one place is because we are too afraid to fail and hence never get the experience we need to increase our skills. I am not the same Waleopard  I was before Sunday. At least I know I won't be taken back to my mother's house to learn how to cook porridge for my family.  :P The only way we will become better is if we are willing to take the chance to learn. Think about it my friend.

Truth is regardless of the outcome, the experience makes us better. Don't be afraid to love because you are afraid to get hurt. Don't be afraid to venture into a business because you are afraid to make losses. The only way you will know if something works for you or not is if you are willing to involve yourself.

Wishing us all a Blessed day

Too much Luggage

Not so long ago I went to see off a friend at the airport.She was traveling to further her satudies. Being her first time to travel she had packed lots of stuff. She kept saying that her luggage is more than the required weight but she chose to carry it to the airport anyway..When we later connected she told me she was forced to pay for the extra load of luggage.

Today as I sat down going through my emails I thought of that incidence with my friend. I thought of the times we ourselves see people who are wrong for us in this journey of life but still insist on carrying them on our life journey. They are not necessary for our journey but we still carry them and end up paying to keep them with us. Isn't it time we lessen our luggage in life to cut down on avoidable costs like heart aches,ulcers,depression e.t.c.

If you have gone on a mountain or hill climbing, you will agree with me that carrying heavy luggage is discouraged as it slows you down during your journey.There are those of us who have slowed down because we insist on carrying heavy loads on our back in the life journey. Time to say ; ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. release the load off your back,HEART, MEMORY,MIND and see yourself move.

Release those people that are always pulling you down. Release those people that are treating you disrespectfully . Release those people that don't want you in their life. Release those past pains that scare you from allowing you to experience joy. It makes you lighter and you will move faster and happier and enjoying your life journey. Think about it today.

Have a good weekend my friends.