The Husband and Wife of My Dreams

This wife doesn't dress the way I want. This wife doesn't serve me the way I want. This wife doesn't keep the standards I want in my house. She doesn't even know how to cook the food I desire.  I bought her a cooker but she still doesn't bake as I expected of her. The hardest thing is she doesn't understand my needs and my vision and also doesn't respect me as a man. These are some of the complains I have heard and read about from married men.

This husband only wants his way or the highway. Who does this man think he is? Just because he paid dowry doesn't mean he can control my life! Hmmm! Now he wants me to have another baby and I want to finish school, I am the one carrying the pregnancy not him! These are some of the complains I have heard and read about from married women. 

Let not your mind wonder I read and interact widely. It helps me open up my thinking. So lets now take time to unravel all these complains. Allow me to issue a disclaimer ; I am not expert I just share my insights based on my understanding. One can choose to agree or disagree. I shall also base my understanding from the Bible because that is my life time Life manual.

For readers of the Bible; Genesis 3:16 

New Heart English Bible

And to the woman he said, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth. In pain you will bring forth children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

New American Standard 1977
To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you shall bring forth children; Yet your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.”

English Standard Version
To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

King James Bible
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

The cross- reference of the above verse of the Old Testament in the new Testament is

John 16:21
A woman has pain in childbirth because her time has come; but when she brings forth her child, she forgets her anguish because of her joy that a child has been born into the world.
1 Corinthians 11:3
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
1 Corinthians 14:34
women are to be silent in the churches. They are not permitted to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says.
1 Timothy 2:13
For Adam was formed first, and then Eve.
1 Timothy 2:15
Women, however, will be saved through childbearing, if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.

For this article I shall make reference to the last part of the verse of Genesis 3:16. "Your desire shall be for your husband or Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.  

The above verse has been greatly missed by many a readers of the Bible including myself. It wasn't until recently when I heard a preacher speak of it that I took time to internalise it. The insight I got is simple and well might be controversial to some. 

To the wife, though  she shall have contrary opinion to her husband, she is tasked to understand that her husband rules over her. Yes moving houses will be a good idea and the wife desires and can afford to even pay, but the husband's rule is they are not moving. Its up to the wife to understand that he rules over her. We are all familiar with the saying behind every successful man is a woman, well because on top of being the man's helper, the woman is a key  person in delivering her man's vision. The wife may ask , where is my vision in all this, don't I matter, the reality is the man rules over you. However submission shall get you to have your way with your husband. Remember wives were asked to submit to their husband as the Church submits to Christ. When we earnestly ask from God He does give in.

To the husband, though you rule over her you need to understand the qualities of a good leader. To understand the qualities of a good leader the Bible refers you to Christ. Like Christ is head of man, the head of woman is man. If the husband is going to understand how to lead his wife, he needs to understand how Christ led. Christ led in humility, love and even demonstration. As a husband your duty isn't to sit and wait for your wife to understand how to be a good wife to you. Its your duty to demonstrate what that means to your wife. The minute a man goes out there and says what his wife isn't doing he is simply loudly saying , look I can't perform my God given duty, I have failed. The minute his wife is playing her role well, it simply says her husband has played a key role to becoming the woman she is. 

Its my sincere hope and prayer that this insight helps couples understand forthwith the role each needs to play to make the marriage. This understanding shall be a guide to happy and healthy marriages. Let us remember that it is a blessed institution and with a peaceful and happy family , we are bound to have a peaceful country and world. Every thing (good or bad)begins at family level for human beings.  My husband and I are still learning & practising to be each others dream partners. Its an everyday deliberate decision.