Rivalry; Is it really Necessary?

Today I find the need to talk about this vice that continues to be a threat from our homes to the area outside our homes to the entire world. The vice is so huge that it continues to cause so much pain and destruction which I totally consider unnecessary. 

From the Google dictionary Rivalry is defined as competition for the same objective or for superiority in the same field. Rivalry can lead to healthy and unhealthy outcomes and it can be necessary and unnecessary. It’s safe to say that necessary rivalry leads to healthy outcomes. If we were to use game theory to calculate the risk it would be based on the grading we put on the type of rivalry and on the health outcome it brings on board. If you are into risk analysis I am talking of using likelihood tests. Anyway too much jargon let me try to simplify based on the understanding I need to share with us all today

Do you know as a parent one has a lot of power in determining the kind of rivalry a child chooses to pursue? We are all born pure it is the environment and everyday experience that renders us impure and stained. When a baby is born they adapt to crying as a way of communicating that which they need. Going forward they learn to speak and ask for what they need or will actually do both. And if they are in the terrific two they will put some actions to it like throwing themselves on the floor or slapping you to get you to give them that which they want, famously known as tantrums. 

Then from there they enroll into school and this is where the parents assess them based on their performance. Its not out of the norm for parents ask their children to aim to be position one. Is the position what matters in the end for real? This focus and upbringing is where the unhealthy rivalry foundation is laid. Allow me to lead you further into thoughts...

When a parent teaches their child the only time they are victorious is when they become first among several number of persons that is where a child loses focus. It’s no wonder that we have so many issues as a society as persons compete for senior management positions by discrediting their colleagues or worse still having children committing suicide because no matter the efforts they are putting in school they still are ranked last. So what then is the solution for this rivalry that leads to unhealthy outcomes?

How about teaching our children to outdo themselves. After all the only person with the ability that is a mirror of them is themselves. The minute we try to ask a fish to run while it was created to swim we go wrong. When a child is taught to outdo themselves it will not matter what the persons around them are doing. Their main focus will be self-improvement and that is more fulfilling. While we want to teach our children to be the best among students in their class, it can be limiting. The only way we are going to get the best out of any person here on earth is if we focused on outdoing our individual self.  A child can be number one in that class but if moved to another is graded last which can be really devastating particularly where a child is taught they are the crowned winner.

Don't relocate to a certain neighborhood because so and so has moved there. Move because its time you upgrade to another location. Don't buy a certain outfit because your friend has bought it and you think you would look better, buy it because you have the need to wear a dress or because it was in your plan to buy.  Don't do a church wedding worth millions because so and so did worth hundreds of thousands, do it because it is all within what you can afford. I am not saying don't look at what your neighbor is doing. No! 

It is time to look and use the information to better oneself from one position to another.  Don't look at your brother and start planning on how to discredit them so that you take up what they have. That will be a waste of time. One may successfully acquire a position by discrediting another but they would not last. Reason being they are probably built for something else. Let us realize that God created us equal and we are all to support each other here on earth. There is what each of us was created for and the only way we shall get to discover it is by focusing on improving the past self. Not competing against another.  A person's blessing shall always be their blessing . Let none of us think its in our capacity to block another persons blessing.

Well those are my thoughts for today.  

It all starts and ends at Family level

This day I feel the need to talk about something I consider sacred. My understanding of family is so deep that I have come to recognize the family unit as the core institution that drives a country. The reason why I say this is because its through a family that babies are made. Whether the man or the woman stays together as a family or not the fact of the matter is the environment through which a child is brought up has a great influence on the person they become or the choices they make. For the sake of sharing my thoughts on the family today my focus shall be on babies born and raised by parents or a parent with brothers and sisters.

Time and time again I have read and heard of family feuds between members of the same family. And the majority of the cases that I have come across have been wealth related. This comes where some click of siblings gang up in a manner to disinherit the others or parents allocate share of property among their children unfairly or where the children gang up to steal the wealth of their parents. The results are often deadly and some result to persons of the same family being lifetime sworn enemies. So the question then that comes to my mind is who then is to blame and how do we stop the vice of wealth from eating into families??

The answer is it all starts with me and ends with me. What I am saying to us all is that just like I previously mentioned that the environment we raise our children in determines the persons the children become in later years. See children learn a lot from observing the way the people around them behave . See my daughter has seen her father and I kneel and pray and with that she has become accustomed to joining us when we are praying and yes she kneels. There will be times when we allow her to say the prayers and after she says amen we all retire to bed because we know she said prayers for us all.

Let me break it down further. I have a brother and this is my daughter's uncle. If for example I am threatened by the presence of my brother I can unknowingly spread the same towards him to my daughter. Say for example my brother is favored by my mother in many ways and I keep expressing my frustrations about this in the presence of my daughter. What would I be saying to my daughter?

1. Your brother can be your enemy over wealth 🙄

2. My uncle's children are my enemies after all their father and my mum are rivals

See with the above scenario as parents it will thereafter be hard for me to teach my child how to be there for her siblings based on what I teach her indirectly. What I am saying to us all is if family feuds are ever going to end they must begin by the parents being more mindful of how they treat their relatives. If as a parent you don't want your own children to harm each other then lead by example. Don't be hypocritical by treating your sibling ill and expect your children shall be angels to treat each other humanely.

The change you need and want shall starts with you and me. Please note the above example of a family unit can be rolled out to other relationships e.g . Employer and employee ; leader and their subjects e.t.c. Let us all be challenged to be better people to improve the next generation of people not to make things worse for them.

That is all for now. 

The Lies in We Tell Ourselves

This might come out silly but hey! I still need to share the details with y'all because its likely that we have found ourselves in the same kind of thinking but different incidences.
The free newspaper has been a blessing to many. Let's just say if you still watch and read the daily newspapers you will be happy knowing you can catch up with the Kenyan media highlights; for free on a newspaper. Well if you need to wrap something or are moving, the free newspaper is a perfect source to protect the breakables 🤫🤫. I won't disclose my reasons for the free newspaper all I need us to focus on is I appreciate the free newspaper given to motorist each morning. So much that I kind of got personal. 🤣🤣

There is this guy who used to give the free newspaper just passed my normal route on Thika road. For some reason the timings just never seemed to match with his. I would get to him and vuala! he gives the last copy to the motorist driving ahead of me. Or I would find him picking a fresh bunch to issue. One particular day he gave the motorist driving besides me and skipped me , 😪😪that hurt I tell you. So much that I told myself there is not so much positive information to read and watch on Kenyan media platforms anyway so I am good with what I choose to read when I get to the office. I made a decision to forget the free newspaper until my fortunes changed. 👏👏👏

Which fortunes you ask? Well they changed the newspaper guy and there was a new guy on the road. "Good riddance", I told myself. "Now I will be getting the newspaper for whatever it is I need it for," little did I know. 😇😇 So the whole of this week the story has repeated itself. I don't get the newspaper , its just not coinciding for me. And this got me thinking. 

I thought of the times I will ''carry" somebody over things I feel they have done to hurt me and they don't even know I am "carrying" them. I thought of the times I have let my mind mislead me into encouraging negative thinking and its ruined my day. I thought of the times I have compared myself to others and felt they are better or I am better. And there the truth dawned on me. The times we "arrive" are different for us all and the blessings awaiting us at the time of our arrival differ. Just because I don't get the blessing another gets when we arrive at the same destination doesn't mean any of us is less or more. We just have different blessings at the same destination. I also learned that I need to watch the level at which I allow my mind to lead me to self misery. 

Lets fill our minds with the right Mind set. 

KENYANS, ARE WE OUR OWN WORST ENEMIES?

Let's carefully analyse the currents events that are unfolding in the wake of 16 % VAT on fuel. How bad it is and how good it is all is based on the angle you choose to look at it. From where I sit there is nothing wrong with taxes. Everything however goes skewed when the taxes are looted by individuals in white elephant projects.  I don't mind paying taxes if there are good roads and healthcare , water , food is affordable. If taxes were efficiently used and not lost through corruption I am sure all Kenyans would embrace them. Sadly this hasn't been the case as it has been one scandal after another.

This article isn't about corruption though its about us Kenyans. Do we strive to make things better for ourselves or we make lives difficult for ourselves? I mean the cases of contaminated foods, those that allow them in , how do they guarantee they don't eat them or their family members? It makes no sense to take money and loose it paying medical bills and to a worse scenario losing a life over greed.

Let's asses the news that matatu fares will go up by an additional 20 shillings per passenger per trip. In the case of a minibus assume full tank is 60 litres which on average goes for 3 days to cover a minimum of 5 trips daily. The other assumption is the minibus carries 35 passengers on average per trip at a minimum cost of 50. The reality in the ground is the capacity of a minibus is 50, they go more than 5 trips and there is price fluctuation due to peak and off-peak.For 60 litres cost was  6192 and now 7032 at a cost of 103.2 and 117.2 respectively. This means to continue enjoying the profits Matatu owners were enjoying, they need an additional 840 shillings. Their stand is cost is going up by 20 shillings per passenger per trip. 

Before revenue 35*50*5 = 8750

After Revenue 35*70*5 = 12,250

Difference in amount per day = 3,500

Total amount difference for 60 litres = 3500*3 = 10,500

Total earnings 10,500 – 840 = 9,660

My question is, do all matatu owners relatives have matatus and won't incur the additional cost they are imposing? Are they all private car owners together with their relatives? 

Why is it so hard to look at the bigger picture when deciding to make a kill? Why make a kill and kill yourself in the process?? Are you your country's worst enemy?

Its no wonder you will dump a bottle in the street and complain of blocked drainage. Where are our souls? Have we sold our souls and in all essence lost our morals? When you complain , do you ask yourself the responsibility you played for the situation at hand?

Brace yourself my fellow Kenyans, these are clearly times of every man for himself and God for us all.  Its time to question who the real enemy in our country is. 

WORK GODFATHER AND GODCHILD

Time and time again I will hear someone out-rightly ask another; how did you get such a position in that company? and before they can explain the person questioning answers the question, you must have Godparent. Well the reality is that there are those who were employed because they saw somebody somewhere. How moral is this?

If you have read the Bible you will see that there are instances where the Israelite's got favors because they knew God. God was their godparent and gave them victory on several occasions. Still focusing on the Israelites and God, God showed them the way but they had to be ready and willing to pursue the way to the end. Those times that they failed to follow the way they faced the consequences. 

So now here comes a work godparent and godchild. The godparent will show the child the way by having them secure employment. But who is a good or bad godparent and godchild. I would say the good and bad reflects when both learn the limits they have to using the relationship. When a godchild decides to use the opportunity to better themselves by performing his task as expected they become an asset. As a godparent to anyone, I would be happy knowing my godchild is proofing he or she was qualified for the position they now hold by delivering. That way I would be proud knowing that whether or not I am in the company my child will thrive in the company.  While as a godchild to anyone, I would be proud to know I have made a mark for myself through my efforts not because those around me know I have a godparent and therefore give me credit where it’s not due.  This in my view is morally good. Just like a business man can mentor a new business person so can a godparent at work. 

The godparent- godchild becomes morally wrong when it is abused. This is when the godchild decides they won’t perform their duties because they know persons in the high ladder. Or when a godparent becomes overly protective of the grandchild and therefore doesn't give them space to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Or when the godparent seems to always bail out the child. What happens to the child when the godparent is no longer there in the company? How long does this child last? 

The same reality is true even in our homes.  Parents perform the role of bringing us into this world and equipping us with the basic skills we need to survive. When a parent becomes overly protective of their child, the child develops a dependence mechanism. Parents need to allow their children to learn from their mistakes and when the children come to them for help, it should be done in a way that it brings a sense of independence to the child. That way even when the parents are no longer near the child, they know how to get themselves off situations and emerge victorious. 

A sack for the Car Window

On Tuesday on my way to work a car drove past me. The car was of a good make and well maintained except for one issue. The driver's window was covered in a sack. Yes ladies and gentlemen, a gunia(Swahili word for a sack). The first thing that came to my mind was how was he able to see with the side mirror now that his window was all covered? Then I thought couldn't he have used a clear paper, then it hit me - plastic papers were banned. Mind you this was all in traffic. In fact at some point I thought I should take out my phone and take a photo of this man's survival tactic . I however couldn't . Perhaps because the car drove way ahead or because it didn't matter anyway. What I needed was the lesson from the survival tactic demonstrated by the man. And this was it.

See when the owner got to where he parked the car before hitting the road that day, he had an agenda. I don't know the specific agenda he was to perform but I do know he wanted to move from his location. See friends it didn't matter that he didn't have one window. He only thought its cold and rainy and I need to be on the move. I believe he had choices some that would have perhaps meant not going or not using that car because it had a defect. He however chose to not see the defect as a permanent defect but one that can be temporary sorted as he works on eliminating the defect completely. 

I don't know how you will receive this message but for me its clear. Some defects are permanent and deter us from moving forward because we chose to see them as permanent barriers. Or perhaps we worry what will this and this person say. Well then, they will say and perhaps think,  should that affect you as an individual really? Absolutely not, Its not any ones business to control what others think of them. The control an individual has is of thoughts about themselves and stopping oneself of  thinking about what others are thinking because it only drains if not derails them.  Present yourself as you are and know your destination and that will remain your sole focus.

Now that is the lesson for today after close to 2 years away from writing a blog. 

 

 

 

The above isn't the car mentioned

 

Roasting Sweet Potatoes

I don't know about you but i had mixed childhood. I spent my school days in the town and my holidays back at the village. Yesterday after mum's ceremony, we were given sweet potatoes and memories of childhood came calling. I remembered my childhood days. I was always in-charge of "gucokereria githeri" ensuring the fire place had firewood to cook githeri.  There would be times i would have some sweet potatoes to roast as the githeri cooked.

To date i still think roasted sweet potatoes is better than boiled sweet potatoes. So anyway the way i ensured it would cook was to cover them with hot ash and some charcoal . I would then go play with Simba (my dog) and come back later when i smelt the sweet potatoes. To me the smell was a sign that they are almost cooked if not totally cooked.  However i would sometimes take too long and forget i had buried a sweet potato only for it to turn into charcoal :(

Which brings me to today's life application. In life we go through situations that may appear too inhumane. Truth is like a sweet potato time comes when we need to bury ourselves under hot ash and cook without interference. During such times we are required to stay under and burn out all impurities till we are ready. However, it is important for us to take considerable time under the hot ash because if we take too long we turn into charcoal.

Stay under getting to learn yourself before you can allow someone into your life. But don't take too long learning yourself. Stay under saving some money. But don't take too long saving and not think of how to use up your saving as the money will lose its value. Take time spoiling yourself and treating yourself but don't over indulge and use up all your money.

Whatever we decide to do lets understand that we should not overdo that which we take up. We need wisdom to know when we are overdoing something. We need wisdom to know when we are persevering too long so as not to destroy ourselves completely. No one can eat a sweet potato that has completely turned into charcoal because it was over roasted.

May God give us the wisdom we need to know when we are ready so as to be useful to serve Him best while here on earth. Just like a farmer harvests sweet potatoes for his use. We were brought to this world to serve God in a certain way. May we not spend time overdoing things that we loose our true value.

May we all have a blessed day.

The Serial Number

Most of us when we were born we acquired our first certificate that is the birth certificate. The number issued on the certificate is unique to only you. Later on when we turned 18 years we applied for a National Identification Number. Well its no different for phones. Each phone upon being made by its manufacturer they issue it a unique number. Regardless of the similarities of the phones their numbers are unique. Sometimes back I called Safaricom and told them about my lost phone. Its wrong for someone to take something that you rightfully earned through your hard work. They told me with a police abstract and the serial number of the phone that could be done.

 I later went to the police station to get an abstract to block the stolen phone. However instead of me getting the abstract and taking it to Safaricom to block it i went to the office with my original abstract. The police informed me that they would be able to trace the phone with its serial number. Hopefully the thief would use the phone and when they do they would call me to collect my phone. I will give it a grace period then if its not retrieved i will go and block it at safaricom. The person who stole it will not be able to use it.

Applying this incidence to real life situation most of us behave like the thieves who took my phone. We don't realize that the things we are copying others were not originally meant for us. At some point the original owner will either have us traced or blocked from using it. The original owner is God. He created us unique with a unique purpose. It is that purpose that we should strive to know. Trying to be like others is like stealing their phones when you can safely purchase your own. Think about it my friends.

Lord thank You for creating us with unique numbers. May we realise that though we may look like other males or females our destinies are different.In Your Holy name we have prayed and believed. Amen