The Lies that is in Extra Marital Affairs

In Kenya, the Marriage Act, 2014 is set out in some thirteen parts. Part one is Preliminary while Part two bears the General Provisions. Parts three, four, five, six and seven deal with Christian, Civil, Customary, Hindu and Islamic Marriages respectively. Appointments of Registrar’s and Registration of Marriages are the object of Parts eight and nine. Matrimonial Disputes and Proceedings, Rights of Action and Maintenance of Spouses occupy Parts ten to twelve. Part thirteen is on Offences and Penalties while Part fourteen is on Miscellaneous provisions. The Act says that for any of the marriages– Christian, civil, customary, Hindu, Islamic- to be recognized, they must be registered (Sec 6(1)). Christian, Hindu or civil marriages are monogamous (Sec 6(2). A person in a monogamous marriage shall not contract another marriage (Sec 9(a)) Islamic and customary marriages are presumed to be polygamous or potentially polygamous (Sec 6(3). A person in a polygamous marriage shall not contract another, monogamous marriage (Sec 9(b. No one in a monogamous marriage can contract another marriage. No one in a polygamous marriage can contract a monogamous marriage (Sec 9). A marriage can be converted from potentially polygamous to monogamous if both spouses voluntarily agree (Sec 8(1))

• A husband must have only one wife at the time to convert to monogamy
• declaration witnessed by marriage officer and signed by the couple
• New certificate to converted couples

The above information is courtesy of Ochiel J Dudley a Legal Researcher via the link: http://kenyalaw.org/kenyalawblog/highlights-of-the-marriage-act-2014/. One can also download the Gazetted law and read more details about the legal understanding of marriage in Kenya and the processes involved. Let us now get to the topic of interest with this understanding.

I have often heard and read of cases of ladies saying the man I am dating is married but he has said he is taking me on as a second wife. The question to ask as a woman is what kind of marriage is he in? If he is in a monogamous relationship, please know that he is lying. He cannot take you as his second wife and legally because the law forbids him. Ask him to divorce his wife because that is the only way you shall have the title of wife, legally. If however, he is in a polygamous marriage, he can marry you as his second wife. Please act from a point of knowledge, not ignorance. A man will claim to love a woman he is dating and still love his wife. This gets me all confused. In this day and age, a man who loves the woman in his life would never dare have any relations with another woman. This is because he knows the dangers involved in this affair. The likelihood of him infecting the women he claims to love with cervical cancer is very high. Before you engage a man who you are sure is sleeping with another woman, ask yourself, is that woman cervical cancer-free? Perhaps even engage her to know if she has gone through a pap smear. Seek to know whether this man loves you or actually wants to take the two women to the grave and find himself another. 

I have also heard and read cases of married men who have claimed that the Mpango Wa Kando (MWK) took all their money and used it to finance the man she later married. The lie in all this is the married man chooses to believe that this woman loves only them. As a married man, you go home to your wife. Does it not occur to you that this woman gets lonely when you are not around? Women were created for companionship. Do you take a moment to ask yourself who is your woman's companion when you are busy with another woman? How long are you willing to entertain this lie? Or is it that the woman you leave at home when you are in the arms of another doesn't have a right to be in the arms of a man? Doesn't she have a right to be told the things you tell another woman? 

It is unfortunate that we continue to lie to each other. Persons that engage in extramarital affairs have no love for themselves and no love for those they chose to have the affairs with. They are simply utterly selfish persons with no moral standing. They are the reason cervical cancer continues to kill women. It’s time to understand what self-love is. When you welcome a man involved with another woman you are simply saying I am ready to die. In my view, this is a slow suicide mission. When as a man you entertain a woman when you have another you are slowly saying I am fine being a murderer. Yes, you are simply on a mission to bring death to women. It is about time we put an end to all these lies. Those in polygamous relationships seek to also understand the health of the persons involved.