Rivalry; Is it really Necessary?

Today I find the need to talk about this vice that continues to be a threat from our homes to the area outside our homes to the entire world. The vice is so huge that it continues to cause so much pain and destruction which I totally consider unnecessary. 

From the Google dictionary Rivalry is defined as competition for the same objective or for superiority in the same field. Rivalry can lead to healthy and unhealthy outcomes and it can be necessary and unnecessary. It’s safe to say that necessary rivalry leads to healthy outcomes. If we were to use game theory to calculate the risk it would be based on the grading we put on the type of rivalry and on the health outcome it brings on board. If you are into risk analysis I am talking of using likelihood tests. Anyway too much jargon let me try to simplify based on the understanding I need to share with us all today

Do you know as a parent one has a lot of power in determining the kind of rivalry a child chooses to pursue? We are all born pure it is the environment and everyday experience that renders us impure and stained. When a baby is born they adapt to crying as a way of communicating that which they need. Going forward they learn to speak and ask for what they need or will actually do both. And if they are in the terrific two they will put some actions to it like throwing themselves on the floor or slapping you to get you to give them that which they want, famously known as tantrums. 

Then from there they enroll into school and this is where the parents assess them based on their performance. Its not out of the norm for parents ask their children to aim to be position one. Is the position what matters in the end for real? This focus and upbringing is where the unhealthy rivalry foundation is laid. Allow me to lead you further into thoughts...

When a parent teaches their child the only time they are victorious is when they become first among several number of persons that is where a child loses focus. It’s no wonder that we have so many issues as a society as persons compete for senior management positions by discrediting their colleagues or worse still having children committing suicide because no matter the efforts they are putting in school they still are ranked last. So what then is the solution for this rivalry that leads to unhealthy outcomes?

How about teaching our children to outdo themselves. After all the only person with the ability that is a mirror of them is themselves. The minute we try to ask a fish to run while it was created to swim we go wrong. When a child is taught to outdo themselves it will not matter what the persons around them are doing. Their main focus will be self-improvement and that is more fulfilling. While we want to teach our children to be the best among students in their class, it can be limiting. The only way we are going to get the best out of any person here on earth is if we focused on outdoing our individual self.  A child can be number one in that class but if moved to another is graded last which can be really devastating particularly where a child is taught they are the crowned winner.

Don't relocate to a certain neighborhood because so and so has moved there. Move because its time you upgrade to another location. Don't buy a certain outfit because your friend has bought it and you think you would look better, buy it because you have the need to wear a dress or because it was in your plan to buy.  Don't do a church wedding worth millions because so and so did worth hundreds of thousands, do it because it is all within what you can afford. I am not saying don't look at what your neighbor is doing. No! 

It is time to look and use the information to better oneself from one position to another.  Don't look at your brother and start planning on how to discredit them so that you take up what they have. That will be a waste of time. One may successfully acquire a position by discrediting another but they would not last. Reason being they are probably built for something else. Let us realize that God created us equal and we are all to support each other here on earth. There is what each of us was created for and the only way we shall get to discover it is by focusing on improving the past self. Not competing against another.  A person's blessing shall always be their blessing . Let none of us think its in our capacity to block another persons blessing.

Well those are my thoughts for today.  

It all starts and ends at Family level

This day I feel the need to talk about something I consider sacred. My understanding of family is so deep that I have come to recognize the family unit as the core institution that drives a country. The reason why I say this is because its through a family that babies are made. Whether the man or the woman stays together as a family or not the fact of the matter is the environment through which a child is brought up has a great influence on the person they become or the choices they make. For the sake of sharing my thoughts on the family today my focus shall be on babies born and raised by parents or a parent with brothers and sisters.

Time and time again I have read and heard of family feuds between members of the same family. And the majority of the cases that I have come across have been wealth related. This comes where some click of siblings gang up in a manner to disinherit the others or parents allocate share of property among their children unfairly or where the children gang up to steal the wealth of their parents. The results are often deadly and some result to persons of the same family being lifetime sworn enemies. So the question then that comes to my mind is who then is to blame and how do we stop the vice of wealth from eating into families??

The answer is it all starts with me and ends with me. What I am saying to us all is that just like I previously mentioned that the environment we raise our children in determines the persons the children become in later years. See children learn a lot from observing the way the people around them behave . See my daughter has seen her father and I kneel and pray and with that she has become accustomed to joining us when we are praying and yes she kneels. There will be times when we allow her to say the prayers and after she says amen we all retire to bed because we know she said prayers for us all.

Let me break it down further. I have a brother and this is my daughter's uncle. If for example I am threatened by the presence of my brother I can unknowingly spread the same towards him to my daughter. Say for example my brother is favored by my mother in many ways and I keep expressing my frustrations about this in the presence of my daughter. What would I be saying to my daughter?

1. Your brother can be your enemy over wealth 🙄

2. My uncle's children are my enemies after all their father and my mum are rivals

See with the above scenario as parents it will thereafter be hard for me to teach my child how to be there for her siblings based on what I teach her indirectly. What I am saying to us all is if family feuds are ever going to end they must begin by the parents being more mindful of how they treat their relatives. If as a parent you don't want your own children to harm each other then lead by example. Don't be hypocritical by treating your sibling ill and expect your children shall be angels to treat each other humanely.

The change you need and want shall starts with you and me. Please note the above example of a family unit can be rolled out to other relationships e.g . Employer and employee ; leader and their subjects e.t.c. Let us all be challenged to be better people to improve the next generation of people not to make things worse for them.

That is all for now. 

The Lies in We Tell Ourselves

This might come out silly but hey! I still need to share the details with y'all because its likely that we have found ourselves in the same kind of thinking but different incidences.
The free newspaper has been a blessing to many. Let's just say if you still watch and read the daily newspapers you will be happy knowing you can catch up with the Kenyan media highlights; for free on a newspaper. Well if you need to wrap something or are moving, the free newspaper is a perfect source to protect the breakables 🤫🤫. I won't disclose my reasons for the free newspaper all I need us to focus on is I appreciate the free newspaper given to motorist each morning. So much that I kind of got personal. 🤣🤣

There is this guy who used to give the free newspaper just passed my normal route on Thika road. For some reason the timings just never seemed to match with his. I would get to him and vuala! he gives the last copy to the motorist driving ahead of me. Or I would find him picking a fresh bunch to issue. One particular day he gave the motorist driving besides me and skipped me , 😪😪that hurt I tell you. So much that I told myself there is not so much positive information to read and watch on Kenyan media platforms anyway so I am good with what I choose to read when I get to the office. I made a decision to forget the free newspaper until my fortunes changed. 👏👏👏

Which fortunes you ask? Well they changed the newspaper guy and there was a new guy on the road. "Good riddance", I told myself. "Now I will be getting the newspaper for whatever it is I need it for," little did I know. 😇😇 So the whole of this week the story has repeated itself. I don't get the newspaper , its just not coinciding for me. And this got me thinking. 

I thought of the times I will ''carry" somebody over things I feel they have done to hurt me and they don't even know I am "carrying" them. I thought of the times I have let my mind mislead me into encouraging negative thinking and its ruined my day. I thought of the times I have compared myself to others and felt they are better or I am better. And there the truth dawned on me. The times we "arrive" are different for us all and the blessings awaiting us at the time of our arrival differ. Just because I don't get the blessing another gets when we arrive at the same destination doesn't mean any of us is less or more. We just have different blessings at the same destination. I also learned that I need to watch the level at which I allow my mind to lead me to self misery. 

Lets fill our minds with the right Mind set.