Dear Father,
Let me start by thanking God for
giving me this opportunity to write to you and for watching over me till
this far; a grown up adult ready to have a family of their own. In
fact, the elders in my church have been on my case effortlessly trying
to hook me up with the singles in the church. And dad they are all fine
looking people that all leave me perplexed at God’s awesome creation.
Enough
of the introduction let me get to it. This is a very specific letter
and considering you are a busy man, with your own family now, I would
not want to take much of your time. Not to mention the fact that you
have made a mark in your life by breaking records in your professional
life. Anyone who knows that part of you would want you as their role
model. Unfortunately, you have another side of you and that is the side I
want us to talk about.
Remember years back, there was
this lady who loved you to death and would have given up everything to
make you happy? The one you had sworn to love till eternity? The one
with whom you unionized your naked self as a sign that you were one with
her? The one you knew her heart skipped every time she saw you? The one
you made pregnant and all over sudden you did not know her? The one
whom you accused of being a whore when she told you, you are the father
to her unborn child? The one you ran out on and blocked all her calls,
moved into a new location, and gave strict orders to the watchman that
she should never be allowed in? Well I am sure you do remember her not
unless you are having selective amnesia. She eventually gave birth and
to a God’s creation, Me.
This creation that that you left behind has few things to let out to you and I do hope you take you read all the way down.
The Boy Child to his Father
See
when I was growing up I needed to be a man. I needed to know how to act
like a man but you see dad unfortunately there was no man to learn
from. I was the laughing stalk in my school; boys in my school would
tease me for not having the ‘normal’ surname. I learned the hard way how
to protect my mum from strangers that came to harm her; it was only
natural since I was the man of the house. When I cleared primary school,
it was time for me to be initiated into manhood; that was the most
trying time ever. Mother could not take me to the seminar as the boys
were to be accompanied by their fathers. Lucky for me, mum wised up and
tricked her brother into taking me. Uncle saved me from another
humiliation as I entered into an important stage in my life.
Did
I mention the part where mother had to work two jobs to provide for us?
As you may remember she was not able to complete her studies since she
got pregnant with me. Upon my arrival she was charged with the sole
responsibility of providing for her child. The supposedly father of her
child, you, had taken off from her as if she had just contracted a
highly killer airborne disease. So anyway I know you had your excuses I
bet one is you were too young to be a father and that you had no job to
provide for mum and me. Well father that is crap! Why didn’t you ever
bother to find us after you settled financially? If you knew you were
not ready to be a father why did you enter into an intimate relationship
with mum? If you were not ready to be a father well hell yes you were
not ready for sex. Simply put you are an irresponsible human being; I
really wish I could drain all my genes, of you from me, unfortunately
that’s not possible.
The only thing left for me is to
forgive you and to ask God to keep you strong enough for you to see me
have a family of my own. I doubt I will be able to introduce you to them
knowing very well till now you have never taken time to heal our
relationship and ask for forgiveness for what you did to me. Whether mum
refused you to see me or not, I believe there has always been a way.
Just that it wasn’t of importance to you. So why now would I want you to
matter to my children. I can only pray I am able to love my children in
a way that I was not able to be loved by a father!
The girl child to her Father
I
have always wondered what it would be like to have a man in the house.
You see,dad, it was just two women in the house. I watched mother do all
duties from cooking to changing bulbs and locking up the door with
tables; just so that thieves would not gain entry.Mother was not earning
much at that time and the place where we could comfortably stay was not
so secure. Growing up was equally not easy and girls would ask all
kinds of questions. Mbona huna baba, kwani ulitoka wapi? Hakuna mtoto
hana baba. They would go on to explain. That and more was their day in
day out tease and questions.
Well, kids are kids and I
cannot blame them for being innocent but you see that time, dad, I felt
abnormal. When I could not take the pressure anymore, I confronted
mother about whom and where you were. I have never seen the face of
mother turn more purple than it did that day. She held herself from
“slapping you out of me”! When it became apparent I was not getting any
answers from her I took it upon myself to make up a story of where you
are, keeping away those nosy kids.
Mother brought me up
well and I am now an adult woman. God blessed me and I can tell you I
have all the features to make a man turn and a lady envious of me. I
know I cannot undo the past and I am not defined by my parents. I have
also come to know that not having a father doesn’t make me any less of
other grown up Eve look-a likes. In fact I took the challenge and
researched on things concerning the Adam look-a likes. I may not know it
all but I believe I am not blind in that area. I look forward to having
a family of my own and making my husband proud. You may not have been
there for mother but I know God will give me a husband to love and
protect my children. I refuse to believe all men are bad. In fact
mother’s brothers and father are the living proof of great fathers. I
was lucky to have them, three, as my fathers!
To the Men out there
As
you can see my reader children who have missed out on fathers have lots
of challenges and questions. I have not exhausted them all and I am
sure each child ,brought up without their father because he left them;
not by death, if asked to share their experience would have something
different. That notwithstanding, I only hope that I have passed on a
very important message to all men out there and that they will take it
upon themselves to be the leaders God called them to be.
Men
were called by God to be leaders and I know a leader is a head. Just
like a company has a CEO, the man is the CEO of his house. If it is
failing it’s probably because the man has not taken up his role as a
leader. A man is expected to love his wife as Christ loved His Church.
Christ’s expression of his love for the church was through dying for the
church on the cross. Well what does that mean to you as a man? Being
the leader means it’s upon the man to show the woman how to love him. I
know this will not be taken kindly but it’s a fact. Show your wife
respect and she will accord you the same. Show her unfaithfulness and
tears and she will accord you the same.
Prayer for all our men
May
God help the men of this world to learn how to be leaders and how to be
fathers to their children. May He also help them perform the roles they
were called to be, Providers and Bread Winners. May they understand
that by being providers it’s not just pegged on material things; there
is more to it like words of courage, security… Amen
Tafakari Hayo!!!
Thank you for reading.
Mothers watch out for yours
The Picture of the man reading the letter does not mean he is the man the letter has been addressed to.
